With all that this day held for me….I was determined to figure out a name for my new writing hours. While I painted, and sorted through many pictures, and finally went to the store to get digital reprints, the name for my writing before 3-6 pm hit me like a volt from a battery I once licked. I couldn’t accept that there was more than my maniac’s hours for me to really write. However, as it turned out I have another time; that is much different in almost every detail. So pleased I worked on this much of the day. I couldn’t have shown up without a proper name, to give it’s feel, it’s own set of characteristics.
“Corey’s Chronicle Hour’s” are much different than my maniac’s hours, but I remain still the same. It is a more serene and quiet, with my energy level a bit lower. My writing is slower, perhaps maybe better. My mind is quieted, and Julia Bleu is laying down. The light in my study is oh so different. Only the sun and the natural light blanket my desk and my computer. I am excited to own this new ‘writing’ time. I have never written anything original outside the maniac’s hours until this week. What a gift, for this mere moron of prose. I pray with the change of my tempo, my writing may improve. I do have a coffee, I admit out of habit. It is not necessary or part of the time. Thoughts about dinner dance in the back of my mind.
Today I am scattered, thrown off by sleeping late, and the impending arrival of my ex-wife and Bella. My ex-wife mentioned to me between her flights, how surreal it felt. I am worried sick, all that is left of our beloved dog, is memories and three urns apportioned with his last remains. I pray they wait to come over tomorrow. The sadness and grief from both of them will be too much for me to bear…..they are not prepared, are we ever? Heck no! They took a trip to Europe and the dog is left in three beautiful containers. It feels so wrong, I feel so guilty; one week ago now, we were out in the yard in the bright sunshine. It had been such a perfect day for Jack, I feel as though I did something very wrong to my best friend.
This promise I make to you as well as to myself. The blogging about Jack is over with this meme. I will chronicle Julia Bleu’s journey through the cancer phase. But I cease to exploit my family’s personal grief. I would do anything yes anything to break their emotional fall. Sitting here and writing I do nothing at all. I dug out my Jack pictures and found one they haven’t seen. I went to the store and got 8x10s for all of us, and a couple of Julia Bleu and Jack together. I will not lie, the candles are still lit. No not for Jack, but for Bella and my ex-wife.
I am filled with nervous energy and if anyone knows me, for me to admit it must be an amped up moment for sure. Julia Bleu is my steady stead, she is with me, I can’t fathom bad news about her this week. Tonight we will do whatever my baby Bella needs. They are flying into 6 hours of jet lag, so I pray and I hope she goes home with Camie. However she will go to bed the first time in her life without her “Jackie.” My heart is broken already for me, but the grief and the sadness to come from my ex-wife and Bella crushes me. It has been exactly one week now, Jack left for the heavens and did so much more.
I can’t think of much but in just an hour, they should be in their limo and heading home. I took my last Adderall at 4:30 pm, way too late I didn’t need it but I need to stay up for whatever they need. I wonder about the homeless guy I met last night at the story; Eugene, the first person to call me a faggot. I guess it could have been worse, I thought about him a lot today. I yearn on one hand to hear his stories….he looks like his lead a pretty hard life. My best friend Stephanie joked he probably contacted all of his friends. That’s alright I think because I have friends too, and they can pony up and help the cause too.
I pray I don’t sleep through the maniac’s hours, I was off all day without my blissed out routine. I lost my new IPHONE for three hours, I was moments away to heading out to replace it. Next time insurance I vowed today, with all that’s going on I can’t take the chance. The time is just slowing almost to a stop, I pray they don’t run into delays. None of us can take much more, I almost forgot my knee surgery Wednesday. I am a bit pissed, and my anger management skills fail me, my deadbeat neighbors who have been evicted, are having a barbeque with my furniture. No problem there, I opened the door and without a sound, I glared at the people until they stood up. Freeloaders who are the worst of neighbors, I brought in all my furniture, I smile I feel better already. They think they can bully me, I am small and fragile and always polite. However, I wouldn’t want to freak my freaky tonight, so I am glad they all took their bitter party inside. The one that is the worst, is not even on the lease, he tries very hard to bully and threaten me. I love all people on the best of days, FYI to them, this isn’t one of those days. I have memorized the police non-emergency line. Got a feeling I might be ringing one time or two. Bad seeds they are, they can not leave any faster, however I believe they’re big time players….what a freaking disaster….To boot, my landlord is off in Europe, he is changing their locks upon his return. I honestly have a limit I do, not like my Amex black card am I. I feel so much and it borders combustible, laying low is good and I am grateful for these hours. Not used to them yet, I will get there in time, with a wonderful flavorful routine all its own.
I wish I had something more to say, thinking about everything just gets in my way. It is not the maniac’s hours to be sure, but I take it; its a gift, I can write more than once a day. With the best of wishes I bid you good night. Stay tuned for tomorrow I will sure be full of fight. Forgive me as I get these bearings, even the trains are off their schedule as I usually discern.
BORN THIS WAY-2016