Today was a rainy, dark and gloomy day. Not too bad for a Monday. I was pretty preoccupied by my upcoming surgery, and worried about Julia Bleu’s results. I went a bit thought-laden through the day. I did what I essentially had to do, but refrained from ‘living in the moment’ something I always try to do.
This morning I blogged with pictures of Jack’s remains resting on the floor. I blogged that my family was too pained to cope, so there sat Jack on my study floor. My blog is linked to my facebook account, and always shows the pictures I include. A dear friend of mine named Gino, who with his dog Rags has been a great source of comfort and a great friend to me, left me a comment I appreciated more than anything else he has written to me through this entire tradegy. He commented, “Corey the floor? Jack deserves better than that!” I couldn’t have agreed with you anymore, Gino. Thank you for saying what Jack did deserve. Jack deserved to be laid to rest, with dignity and thanks for his wonderful soul that touched us all so deeply. So late this afternoon, when I usually blog another post, I got out my book of Common Prayer, took my own urn of Jack on the floor, put it onto the table, and light 2 more candles before I continued on. I really didn’t know what I was doing, but I did know for myself and Jack, it was time to bless his remains, speak one more time of my gratitude and love, and pray to the heavens above. With Julia Bleu right by my side, I found the burial rites in my book. I didn’t need much just a blessing of his remains, and a prayer of acceptance to the saints above. I put my hand upon his boxed remains, and once again the tears started to stream. I don’t know exactly recall my words; they were of true love, friendship, and shear gratitude for all Jack brought to me and everyone else in his 16-plus years of life. Julia Bleu sat near me, as if she knew, and I prayed from the book of Common prayer, that Jackson be blessed from ashes he returns, and I praised the heavens above. Lastly, I took Jack, I attached his engraved name plate to his beautiful oak box, and then I did what came so naturally, I put Jackson on top of my desk. I know for a while this seems over the top, but I will move Jack to the bedroom tonight. I am sure there will come a day, where on my desk he remains, but I am not there by any means. I didn’t tell my family what I was doing, I get that it is too much for them to cope. We are having a formal service, to be scheduled soon to say good-bye right. But I was Jack’s best friend, and with Gino reminding me of what he deserved, I did what I wanted and needed to do. I am so filled with comfort for doing the right thing. It was AWESOME Julia Bleu was right by my side; like she was with Jackson when he died. So for now that is it, I have done what I can. Rest in Peace Jack, you are so missed my friend, but it was your time, I get that now.
The rest of the day was filled with some excitement. First this morning I started a new journey. I have been trying to write about my anorexia, and this morning I blogged my first post. Many will follow, but I must tell my story, not for me but for so many others. For the people who love me and watch nearly die, to those who suffer today I pray my story may help. My story is called, “The Cake is Now.” It is something I am really ready to do. More importantly than even that, I have made enough progress to truly own it!
Last things of the day were pretty big. My phone rang at noon, it was Julia Bleu’s vet. I thought for sure her results wouldn’t be back until later this week. When I answered the phone I knew the news wasn’t great. It turns out Julia Bleu had a mast cell tumor. It’s a very aggressive cancer and spreads rather quickly. We had been hoping it would be staged at 1 or 2, 1 would have been the best but my god it’s a 2!! Julia Bleu should be perfectly fine, we will follow up with x-rays and ultrasounds. Just a precaution and not even a must. Happy tears streamed down my face, this little pug, I hold oh so tight! Happy I posted on Facebook and called my family. Everyone is just so freaking relieved. The last bit of news is just a little something. My second leg surgery is scheduled and confirmed this coming Wednesday. I am bound and determined to run again; a road race in June with Bella, is all that I ask for, it would be super stellar!
So no words of wisdom, just a BIG lesson learned. No matter what you feel you must do right by others. Tonight my friend Gino I dedicate to you. Jack is on my desk where he truly belongs. My heart feels lighter with doing the right thing. It took someone remarkable to do last right by Jack, so thank you Gino I love you my friend!
BORN THIS WAY-2016