I am a person with very rare disease. I have never had a moment of depression in my life, I was diagnosed with pure mania when I was 17. I don’t want to stop doing and being even for a couple of hours. I feel like I am losing out or better put missing out on life, if I take a few hours getting some rest.
Before I got diagnosed with mania in my mid to late teens, I had the worst sleeping patterns in the world. Going back to when I was a child in my parents house, I had a very stringent bedroom regime. It started with a shower at 7:30, brushing teeth, brushing hair. In bed by 8 pm and I could read as long as I wanted to….that meant I would stay up reading almost an entire book every single night.
I have been to so many specialists, who just want to “study” me and figure out how exactly this Acela moving train of my mind really works. Forget sleeping pills, over the counter or prescription. None of it buts a dent in my amped up status. One doctor who was completely irresponsible and not trying to help me but further his medical career, got me to try the drug Zyrem. There is only one pharmacy in the country that dispensed this drug at the time. It is the street drug called GBH, or better known as the “date rape” drug. My doctor received training and so did I over the phone from their clinical staff. It was only used for narcolepsy, which is when a person falls asleep without any warning.
One day a big box appeared shipped by FedEx and from that pharmacy. They had included two large bottles, of this liquid witch potion. I prepared two vials as I was instructed, mixing the liquid with crystal lite lemonade. I prepped two vials, and my then wife, wished good luck and upstairs to the bedroom I disappeared. The one aspect the pharmacy couldn’t stress enough was that I had to be in bed laying down, before I drank the first of the vials. I tossed it back and said a prayer, and as if I was doing something really bad, I blissed out completely before I passed out. I slept 4 hours exactly before I awoke and knew to take the second vial. The second vile was such a disappointment, no bliss, no hard slumber, although I slept another three hours.
When I awoke, I was completely not right. Every system in my entire body had experienced an adverse reaction. So again, this wasn’t to be, and I put the bottles of that drug, deep in the bowls of our basement. Since then it has only gotten worse in a way, but I made finally made peace without a regular night’s sleep, so I no longer fight the forces of the Universe. About 9 pm when I should be getting ready to sleep, I have a discussion with myself every night. Do I just stay up, and not go to bed, or do I try to sleep for a couple hours. I written a lot about my maniac’s hours, the early morning from 1 am to almost 6am. Being in school has been such a blessing, but it has instilled power into my mania, as my quest for perfect grades, along with my desire to learn as much as I can, gets in the way of some extra sleeping.
I don’t have a clue or an idea, on what is like to be down and depressed. Of course things make me sad, but depression is not something I can relate to….I have recreated my bedroom at least a thousands times….I have a great mattress set, and the perfect 6 pillows, my bedding is like a 5 star hotel. I set up my bedroom just to sleep, I do have a flat screen and dvd player, as well as my Kindle fire. The other thing, is I loathe sleeping alone. Although my pug, Julia Bleu is with me, I really miss the comfort of snuggling.
One summer day, probably about 5 or 6 years ago, I went and saw hypnotist. He was able to get me hypnotized, and when I got home from the very first session, I went to bed at 5:30, and slept right through to the very next morning. It didn’t turn out to be efficacious, but I wanted and will give almost everything at least a chance. I found out a lot about myself and also others, when I chatted with people randomly about sleep.
It seems like a nation, we don’t want to turn off, but still want our rest. I have talked to people who got to bed with their laptops right beside them. I am old-fashioned with it comes to sleep hygiene-don’t tell me you cant sleep if you are still checking Facebook notifications at 12;30 am on work or school night. Don’t tell me you cant sleep as you lay in bed trying to doze off and watch your favorite television show..
Sleep in my book is over rated….a couple of hard hours is great 3 or so optimum. I find it allows me to recharge myself, and face the day all rested and well. I know the nap is a viable concept for many people who don’t feel they get good sleep. I would agree I guess if I could relate. It has been before I was one years old, that I napped my last final proper nap. Sometimes I am able to get into a deep rest where I still am conscious, and sometimes that is enough for me.
I would like to tap into a community of those who flourish during the maniac’s hours. I think it would be a great pool of a myriad of thinkers. Drop me an email at email@example.com.
Perhaps creating our own sleep study, or putting all our collective sleep disorder data into a large meta-analysis study, would bear some fruit for the real researchers to use. For surely what exists right now, is a shame at best and many people are suffering. I do realize the average person needs 7-9 hours of sleep a night.
I would be in favor of that on one hand, but nervous to give up all my extra hours of the day on the other. Balance and temperance appears to be best, so a night or two of real sleep, would be greatly welcomed by me.
BORN THIS WAY-2016