The Poet Mary Oliver once asked, “Tell Me, What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
The words were spoken as if Ms. Oliver was speaking directly to me. The question comes at a cycle during my life, were all things from all places seem to be headed into their requisite spots. I have lived as many us experience, a protracted time of utter grief and misplaced hope. When looking back at my life it appeared the best parts were far behind me. Youth is fun and foolish and oh so insane, why couldn’t I have done a better job of keeping it together, why did I become another divorce statistic?
Looking over old photos last weekend, I came across pictures of my first home that I bought on cape cod, when I was just 22 yrs old. It was an adorable house oceanfront with a three foot high white picket fence. I remember so clearly closing on the house, and having something, a house to call my own.
So life is hard and than we die. Sometimes there is a bit of a filling , to house the emptiness between two pie crusts placed apart waiting for the baker to finish his job.
So Ms. Oliver I sadly admit, I have no idea when you were born or died. See I am a moron writer of prose, but I refuse to read poetry for some odd reason. The “best” people pick out for me, I take a hard look at the first page of the prose, and then it’s over I begin to feel sick, for this is nothing I want to do.
So what do I plan with this one wild and precious life? I can only see right in front of me and a few years past that. I will give you my wants and dreams, as they seem to majikally be coming true. First there is Stephanie, so long hidden as the girl of my dreams, living outside the box enjoying late conversations, and early beach risers as often as we can. I plan with Stephanie’s approval I have while I touch her hand, a “teenage dream summer. ” I know Ms. Oliver you don’t know Katy Perry and I am sure the feeling is quite mutual. I plan on attended summer classes to get me to MIT, as soon as possible. The day’s Stephanie works as a dentist, I will be in school, or doing some school work, but since it is the summer i will be being seeing lots of my daughter, Bella.
I look through the coming months with anticipation and excitement, as my reality of life ,forever after, grows closer with Stephanie being in my life. We plan and foresee many unplanned road trips. Enjoying as many perfect sunrises and sunsets , along the entire New England coastline. Given my precarious life with my health, enjoying the everyday is much in our plan book. I will get through the summer semester and hopefully be heading to MIT. Stephanie and I will have to pick a place on Charles or Newbury street to accommodate school at MIT.
The funny thing about my wild and precious life is that after almost losing it, my wants and hopefully needs are simple they are such a divine gift. I look forward to waking up every day with Stephanie having dinners and dates as often as time permits. Going to bed every night with Stephanie and have Bella as often as much as possible. I look right now everywhere that i can for places and ways to find the sacred in the ordinary.
I ask Ms. Oliver to ask me the same very question a year from now. I pray I will be married to Stephanie and living down on the beach. I will be in school fulltime down MIT. Bella will be growing in all different directions. So one year from now I will have big dreams again, right now I am so content with my writing and my Maniac’s hours. Thank you Ms. Oliver you pushed me to dream big again.
BORN THIS WAY-2016