As I mentioned in the first post a week or so ago, last year we were very close and the dynamics with us were not right. She had this power or control over me because she was Jennifer and well she has fans. I wasn’t a fan I was her friend and it was complicated. We were more than just friends emotionally there was attraction but she always played therapist. Long story short I had reached my limit and knew Jennifer wasn’t good for me. I thought I would still visit her page and stuff but I wanted the friendship to change and or end as it was. She always had the upper hand, complete control freak. One day I decided I was done with the nonsense, it was getting to me. We were in the middle of texting one another with her saying what I needed to be was vulnerable and I had to accept that in relationships or friendships someone usually has the upper hand. I was writing I was done I didn’t like the way I was treated and then our texts got crossed. I received hers wanting us to continue and of course me to change and she to her big surprise got my text saying no more. Well nobody tells Jennifer no more-I mean nobody. She quickly sent me a test telling me I was a good person and I needed to work on my vulnerability. At the end she wrote bye.
“Bye” I would come to know meant blocked in every possible way from any contact with Jennifer. I was surprised, caught off guard and at first didn’t know if it would last. It was very jarring and the befitting dysfunctional ending to us. Well I would check every so often and nope I was blocked and a person I was very close to and shared a lot of myself with daily just disappeared.
This past June I was looking up someone on Facebook and there was Jennifer as a choice. I thought did she unblock me? I clicked on her and yep I was unblocked. I didn’t know what to do. I felt no relief or urgency to friend request her or instant message her. She had not only treated me poorly in our friendship our ending was unforgivable. Who the hell blocks? We are all adults. It was all about her control. So I sat on this knowledge and I went and looked at some of her videos but something wasn’t hitting me right and I was not contacting her. Probably gun-shy? I don’t know.
About a week and a half ago Jennifer contacted me on messenger. I responded and we started talking. We definitely share this connection and this attraction and we got to talking fast and furious and both sharing much more about our real lives then before. Jennifer said to me I have a lot of people to respond to so I may not always be able to get right back to you. I was fine with that and to her utter shock I said yes the same thing goes for me. I will not always be able to respond immediately. She was very taken back by this but this time around the connection went straight to instant bond and chat.
A day or so after we first talked and said we might not be able to respond right away an incident happened and it should have been all of the red flag I needed. Jennifer had sent me a message at night and I looked at it and on Facebook you can tell when someone has read your message. It was just chit chat. I was tired so I didn’t respond, I thought well I only sleep a few hours I will message her when I wake up. I woke up to these flood of messages about friends talk when there is an issue and on and on. She escalated and I would find out was mentally ill and it really got in her way she was very reactionary. I messaged right back not knowing if I was blocked again and explained calmly my thought process. She calmed down and said okay I am sorry.
We continued to just share over these last days, but we have had issues everyday. She is very sensitive and admittedly her life isn’t in a good spot and I realized she wasn’t happy with how I was treating her. I was not one of her fans I was a friend we talked about important stuff. She didn’t like I wasn’t in awe or kissing her ass or being so grateful for her friendship. I was still leery of her. She gave me her word that she would never drop me again and asked me to be vulnerable and stretch myself. I believe a person when they promise me they wont ever block or drop again. So I let my guard down.
Big mistake. Jennifer is not in a good place with Jennifer and it trickled down upon us. Just the night before last I went to the movies with my daughter, Somehow Jennifer said when she received a text from me she sometimes got anxious like I was going to have a problem. Jennifer has been married twice and was always and is always the victim of mean people not treating well. It was Saturday night and the conversation was amuck and I realized this was just too much I don’t care for her anymore like I did before. I demanded reciprocity in our interactions and that was all misconstrued as me berating and being hard on her and she letting me know she was not strong. So the chat on Saturday night left both of us not in a good spot and I did not bend over and take it up the ass from Jennifer, which I guess was my big mistake. I was tired the chat was awful, she mentioned she was too tired of the rollercoaster and then went on to say she really wanted me to be happy. Finally we were not getting anywhere and yes it was my fault because I refused to do as Jennifer wanted as she wanted…..fuck that noise! So we ended the conversation without any conclusion and her final text said I am sorry I hurt you I love you baby C good bye.
I was too tired to dwell on the use of the words she used “good bye.” I woke up and I went to check things out obviously and I was blocked! I was so freaking mad I was over her in an instant. I couldn’t believe someone could with our history and what she promised take such control again and just come back into my life without me seeking her out and she blocks me again?. I was seething with anger, I also felt used and mentally abused me again. I went into one of my other shell accounts where I was not blocked and instant messaged her a piece of my mind. She also has a channel on YouTube where I could send private messages but I didn’t know if or when she would get them. I still wrote away and told exactly how everything was I was done I didn’t care for her I wanted her out of my life but I was stung of course and shocked.
That was that and I spent the day with my daughter and we headed to the fireworks at like 8 pm. I saw I had an instant message to my shell account. Jennifer had written me back- tore me a new ass blamed me for not making a new video and I wrote her back and asked her if we could talk in a couple of hours I was out with my daughter. She never responded again. After she tore me a new ass. I was still able to text her and I just wanted to part ways on better than dysfunctional terms. I wrote and I wrote and I could see that she read my messages but did not respond. Finally I told her she ws a fucking mess and needed to get help. This was her ultimate choice and decision as it always was and is with Jennifer.
I woke up this morning to two very long messages with venom and crazy written all over them.. She told me if I said anything to anyone she would hurt me on Facebook. I am not sure how that is possible. But this was purely mental illness, and I felt bad because this is her reality and I live my life in the real world have just become girlfriends with my best friend Stephanie. Jennifer has nobody and she trusts nobody. It all is very sad but she blew it and the mental abuse was something that Stephanie was shocked by and we both agreed that I just had to run away I couldn’t help save Jennifer; her life has major issues on many fronts besides her mental illness.
I went to send her a text back from my shell account that she unlocked and now I am entirely blocked from her entire universe. I was a bit surprised I am not accustomed to this level of dysfunction. I had to create a new facebook account and send her a message trying to quell her out of control venomous respomses and her vindictive plots to get back at me. The text are so filled with anger, it is a bit scary.
I wrote her; dealt with the issues and debated nor argued anymore. I wanted her to feel safe and gave her my word I would never do a thing to hurt her or harm on Facebook. Now it is done, I pray she disappears for good. I am so glad I am blocked and I hope she calms down and lastly I truly hope she gets help for her illness.
So that is the wrap on my brief return to being unfriended on Facebook a year ago. I think we made it maybe a week with her promising to never block me again. I got blocked again yesterday and again today. I am going to block her on my end incase she gets any ideas of contacting me ever again. Jennifer can not be in my life on any level and sadly she is sick and needs help but this Corey is done with the madness. I have never had a bad interaction on Facebook with anybody else. Today at this moment I am so relieved she has gone and I have no access to her I pray it remains that way for the entire day and then we are back to the way life was when I was indefinitely blocked. I pray that is the case.
BORN THIS WAY-2016