Maniacal Musings Saturday August 27, 2016 Finished September 3, 2016

I awoke feeling really off today. My mind is heavy with lots of considerations and unsavory thoughts about the future.

My body is failing me or I am failing my body.  With that comes changes to my life’s plans. I thought I had the next couple of years figured out but right now everything including me is a mess.

I have really been rocked off my center and I cant seem to get a new grasp on things.

I have had friends who go through long periods of these times but not me. I am always sure of what I am doing and how I am getting there.

This doesn’t feel good. It almost makes me sick to be honest. I don’t know which way is up or where to turn to right my ship.

I have a surgery appointment on September 1, 2016 for my first knee cap operation.

****************************************************************************************

The above was started and written one week ago when I was in the throes of  an Adderall withdrawal.

What a mini-mental mind-fucker that turned out to be!

I am now a week later FINALLY back to me, Corey, with positive vibes, forward motion and no depressive thoughts or questioning.

I am so grateful to have my mind back and chemically be back on track. It was a train-spotting freaking trip I never want to go near again.

I have seen the darkness and I am scared to death of it.

Kudos to all or any of you who suffer through real depression.

You are all true warriors. I last weekend was not a warrior nor a poet I was flailing around with so much discomfort. It took all of  last week to get my body and mind back to me. Whatever I am, whoever I am, I choose it over anything close to what I weathered last weekend.

It makes me nauseous just thinking about it, with a tich of anxiety that those thoughts and feelings could ever return to my being.

I will never be unmindful of my medication and find myself without the proper amount. It isn’t a problem coming off the Adderall as I have titrated off to zero many times and been absolutely fine.

It was the screeching holt of the Adderall that tossed my ass into hell’s kitchen.

I am truly grateful for my health and well-being today and have prayed hard to get back and to regain my confidence that just ebbed away so fucking quickly with the speed-splatt stopping of taking Adderall.

I warn anybody out there if you need to come off of it just quickly titrate it is a very easy drug to come off-just not so fucking abruptly.  I caused myself major physical, mental, and cognitive damage last weekend.

I didn’t think I would ever get back to me. I am back. I am Corey. For now I will take my Adderall as prescribed and not let my prescription run out over a weekend ever again.

I will be coming off of Adderall as this instance scared truly the living life out of my soul.

Don’t go there-if it is another pharmaceutical; titrate-read and ask your doctor the best way to come off.

Do not pull a speed-splatt stoppage of any drug that affects your brain or mind. I almost had a situation that was too big a wave for me to ride.

I will not go there-just believe me and hear or see the words I write.

Corey is back. One week later and all systems are a going at as close to 100 percent as I am capable with my skeletal injuries.

I am amped to be able to blog again. Pathetically I wasn’t able to manage my withdrawal as it managed me and did not allow for me to be…..

That was last weekend…….an all new game is in town.  Corey is #AMPED for sound.

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s