With today’s new developments in the mania department, it is of high importance that we get my brain checked out by a neurologist at John Hopkins.
After going to the gym and not being able to hyper-focus and having my mind SCATTERED in all different directions carrying so many thoughts I can’t possibly process I realize this isn’t Mania Madness but an oddity of the pace of my brain.
Stephanie and I are trying to figure out what we can do, but with sleep not being an issue my brain is well over its rpms and I am trying to hold on.
I am not scared and feel that maybe with turning forty my brain is upping the ante and I have just got to get acclimated. I am not in danger, no voices or other worrisome issues, just too much juice cerebrally.
I am taking this in stride as I now there are no medications for this rare disease and I am sleeping which is the dangerous part of all of this. The rest is my accommodation to the newly high-charged, #AMPED brain functions of my demons and gremlins.
It is although every little cell in my brain is on fire producing more and more combustible energy. I feel my brain cells swelling with the hot expansiveness and the additional energy that used to be saved for only Mania Madness.
I have found with Stephanie the neurologist at John Hopkins that treated me before and I put a call into his answering service.
Stephanie keeps tells me my pupils are dilated to the max and she can see me struggling with the obscene amount of copious thoughts and ideas that flood my brain. It is almost like a new language I have to learn. The speed of the thoughts is too fast for me to discern the thoughts and ideas.
I have been sitting quietly trying to make out the thoughts in my brain. I haven’t gotten that far but I realize I will be able to keep up with it soon.
I wonder what this means for me intellectually? Will there be a change? Will I be able to process things quicker, faster, more difficult than before?
I hope tonight that sleep doesn’t elude me. That would be a terrible mess for sure.
Hopefully on Monday I will hear from the neurologist’s office and be able to schedule an appointment really soon.
Stephanie asked me if I felt any pressure in my head, and I said no, not at all. I feel a crowding and congestion of thoughts that I am not actively thinking upon but no pressure what so ever.
I think I am going to take it really easy tonight with Stephanie. I am going to blog on my anorexia story and already many vivid thoughts about it are springing from my brain.
I wonder if this could change my writing? I can not get too excited as this may pass and I might be back to my normal mania.
We are taking a bath to soothe everything and use aromatherapy to calm my insides. I am not the least bit hungry but will work on a yogurt and applesauce.
The energy in my body is getting better. No its not going away, I am just getting more used to it as each hour passes. I am less uncomfortable than I was before and everything is #JACKED up even more.
I am grateful on one hand that this doesn’t appear to be Mania Madness and nervous for what it is honestly.
My brain is like going 80 mph when the speed limit is 55 mph and my new thoughts are passing my brain just the same. If this had come on gradually I would probably be able to keep up with it but that is not the case. It happened yesterday when I deliberately tried to slow my brain down to hyper-focus.
Well I am going to work hard at discerning what my brain is emitting and see if it is going to just take a little time to catch up. I worry a lot about my speech and its pace.
I must took slowly and intentionally. I am looking forward to Monday and hopefully a call back from the neurologist.
BORN THIS WAY-2016