Maniacal Musings: Post Appointment

Well I made it to my 1:10 pm surgeon appointment for follow-up on my leg and to talk about the next surgery.

I guess I feel a bit better for the moment-perhaps it is the pain pills……

The surgeon said my leg that was operated on a week ago is coming along and I will start physical therapy this week.

My bad leg which needs extensive surgery just got more complicated but I do think the pain pills are quelling the shock. I need to see a foot surgeon first to have a major bunion removed before anything can happen to the other knee.

On top of that I get my cast checked on my thumb on October 16, 2016 and that needs to be fused which is a long recovery. Luckily it is on my right hand and I am left-handed so that works out a little better.

I am trying really hard to take everything in stride (no pun intended) and hope to be on the road to well within the next coming months. There is no quick fix so it is what it is and I have to just go with it.

I haven’t heard back from John Hopkins so a bit disappointed but my speech was okay with the doctor today. I don’t think he thought anything strange was up.

I mow need to get into physical therapy and go to the foot surgeon on my birthday, October 4, 2016 at 10:00am.

Tomorrow I stop discussing my health as it only brings me down and on a beautiful day like today I am very limited with what I can do for myself and my little pug, Julia Bleu.

I have a fictional story that is quite dark I will post tomorrow and see how that goes. I am over due for an anorexia post although I have worked on the story a lot. It is a difficult time right now with the anorexia as I don’t know whether I am coming out of recovery and heading into relapse.

With my brain on fire it is hard to tell things at times, and if I am heading towards a relapse I really won’t be okay. I will have started this mayhem of a merry-go-round with anorexia followed by bodily injuries followed by anorexia.

I truly can’t deal with that and neither can my loved ones. I have put myself and them through far too much for a relapse in anorexia to happen to me now.

I promised myself I wouldn’t be an anorexic life and I promised my loved ones the same. I would not be okay and fear very dark thoughts if I can’t pull my head out of my ass and get it finally together.

If I don’t hear from John Hopkins today I will call first thing tomorrow morning. I can’t mess around with anything. I felt awful today and my blood pressure at the doctors

was 188/110. Really not good and its been that way since the fall.

I am per my doctor back on pain pills and I don’t want this either. I told him I felt so good the day of surgery I went to Bella’s volleyball game. He looked at me with an unhappy face and told me I pushed it to fast and too hard.  That day or afternoon I felt great it was the next morning that was dreadful.

I just want to get to well, so many things regarding my health are over due or need follow up. The only good thing about not going to Hopkins is I have a primary care appointment on Thursday and would be able to deal with my high blood pressure. Pain or no pain it has been too high for too long. I now have headaches and blurry vision and I am almost forty, not good at all.

I am feeling rather needy which isn’t something I normally experience. I might be going to the gym after 5 pm if Bella doesn’t have too much homework. I will find out when my ex-wife picks her up at 5 pm. I want to help my daughter and I will, but I just wish tonight I wasn’t in limbo and could get relaxed and ready for the debate at 9 pm.

Stephanie called after the doctor’s appointment and she knows I am struggling. I hate it, as I believe it puts more pressure on her and it is the last thing I want to do. Petrified doesn’t begin to explain my fear of wearing her out. She is always upbeat and positive but let’s be real I am a lot to deal with right now and she was my best and closest friend through all the anorexia turmoil. She needs a break and a chance just to be my girlfriend, not somebody who takes care of me on the mayhem merry-go-round.

I hope tonight if I go to the gym I am home by 6 pm and can get the bedroom set up to work on the computer and watch the debate.

My little pug knows something is up, she is on my lap for like the fourth time today. Unfortunately she has no idea I am probably leaving for the gym in half an hour.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I need to change things up and get moving on switching my summer to winter everything over. From clothes, jackets, bedding, and table linens I need to change everything then get everything washed and put away for next summer.

I also have to go to the local Clinton office tomorrow and make some FaceTime. I got a call a couple of days ago and still haven’t made it in.

I feel pressure from my job as well. I haven’t been overly productive this last week with surgery and the heat is on starting with tonight’s debate.

So tomorrow no more health reports, I just published a piece that is no blog related for a group I am an editor for. That needs to get polished and finished for posting tomorrow morning.

I am sorry that the blog has strayed and as the writer I take full responsibility and you can and will receive different tomorrow and the days thereafter.

I guess I should prepare myself for the gym, worst case or perhaps best case I don’t end up going. I need to be ready because when she calls she will be en-route to get me if we are going.

Once again my apologies and my next post will probably be fiction I think. We all need a break from my mayhem and my imagination is in rare form.

Peace Out!

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016

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