I mentioned in my first blog regarding my new-found unwavering faith that it didn’t take reading the Holy Bible or anything so Divine. It was through the ordinary that I fell once again onto unwavering faith.
This time with some Bible reading and copious journal writing I found my way through the midst and clouds of unsurety in the Divine and flatly and without hesitation found unwavering faith in a very peculiar way.
It appears my writing in my journal to God is the best and most robust means to get in touch with my Divine soul and its beliefs.
It was this past Friday and as I already mentioned in a
previous post I was staring at another weekend facing Adderall withdrawals. Given my only experience with Adderall withdrawals one would suspect that I would have been in a state of desperation, and calling, if not blaming the forces that didn’t line up to make this implosion on my weekend.
No, none of that happened and I simply accepted my punishment for a system that failed me, and somehow turned to my God journal and began to write. I didn’t write asking for help in getting the medication, I wrote out of a sense of solace and belief that I would endure the Adderall-free weekend and with God and the Holy Trinity and all that is Divine I asked for help and guidance in managing what I knew was going to be a terrible outcome.
I was serene and calm, as I quickly realized I wasn’t going to get my Adderall for the weekend. Due to what I believe was Divine Intervention, I focused my attention and my written words on being helped by the Divine to see me to Monday at which some point I would get an Adderall script. I noticed I wasn’t afraid, or trepidatious. A veil of calmness and giving it up to the Divine was my first instinct, as opposed to trying to circumvent the matter at hand and pray for what appeared to be a miracle in obtaining Adderall for the weekend.
I am not sure whether I had any pills left, but it certainly wasn’t my full dosage, and I was certainly in for a very rough ride over the next three days-none of this bothered me. I grabbed at my cross and medallion around my neck, and I KNEW I wasn’t going to go through this alone. Where did that knowledge come from? Before when I had unwavering faith I was still always escalating and feeling lost and all alone. It was not the case this time. Serenity filled my body, my soul, and my entire room.
I remember exactly what time it was when the phone call I never expected came through. It was 6:07 pm, and last I talked to medical personnel it was like 4:30 pm and the office closed at 5:00pm. I saw the number was local and I answered it instead of my usual let it go to voicemail. It was to my astonishment an affiliate with my doctor’s office calling to tell me that they had called in a script for Adderall to get me through the weekend.
I honestly can not put it in words what I felt, but I KNEW right then and there was a God, I didn’t really know too well, and a Divine moment had just transpired.
I slowly and quietly hung up the phone, and I began to cry. I had never experienced Grace like that before besides my daughter’s birth, and the saving of her live at 11.5 weeks, and I NEVER gave thanks to God or the Divine either time. God had never entered my mind at either one of those times.
Now here I was, sitting on my bed, with my journal to God out, and lots of writing, and I had just experienced a minor miracle. I was sure it was from the Divine, as there were no questions in my mind or soul, and now there were no questions about God, the Divine, and the Presence of God in my life.
Sure you say, you are addicted to Adderall and you got your fix! No not so,; nothing could be farther from the TRUTH. The most amazing part of this story is the calmness, and solace I had from God and the Divine regarding getting through the weekend without Adderall. It was someone else’s mistake as to why I didn’t get the script and I didn’t lash out at anyone which was very new for me.
My Adderall withdrawal was so scary and something that spooked me so much the last time it can only be Divine Grace that gave me the solace and comfort to take the high road and not go ape-shit on any unsuspected person. The calmness and the solace I felt going into the weekend without my Adderall script was second to nothing I have ever experienced before. I gave up all mortal control which is essentially none, and I submitted to God and the Holy Trinity for my comfort and level-headedness about the situation.
I can only say I will continue to read the Holy Bible and get to know God and the Divine as well as I am able as I rest assured I have unwavering faith and complete faith in the Holy Trinity.
I am forever changed, I am not sure what to call it-Born again? I am not sure what that really means but I experienced a moment like none other. I will leave it at that, forever changed, and with solace running through my core that I am never alone in this world.
BORN THIS WAY-2016