Well I should have know by the way the day started things were not going my way. I hit snooze on my 4:05 am alarm but instead I turned it off. I awoke to the taxi honking its horn in my driveway to pick me up to bring me to the hospital.
My surgery was not what I or anyone who knows me wanted for me. My tumor which was dismissed as a cyst than a ganglion cyst and then finally a tumor did not look good to my surgeon. We will now wait up to 10 tens to get the pathology report with the specifics.
I am bummed but I have a tiny bit of hope it is okay. When I was in Prep School I had a Dermoid tumor removed from my abdomen. It was benign thank goodness and I hope this one in such in odd place (on the side of my left ring finger) will be of the same sort. If not there are so many possible scenarios I am not thinking about any of them.
I hope and pray this is benign and I can immediately have surgery in the next couple of weeks for the second of four surgeries I need for the fucking fall I took off my porch in August. They get progressively worse with the leg being realigned last after a bunionectomy where they break my foot in two places and insert pins to correct my foot and toe alignment. The next surgery is with the hand surgery again to fuse my thumb on my right hand. It is a major surgery and will leave me with pins and casting for 12weeks to put my thumb in a permanently functional position. Right now it is incapable of doing anything with it as it has been reconstructed two times and now it is just gone. I hope my hand surgeon will squeeze me in after my upcoming 10 ten trip with Stephanie, Bella, and my ex wife to a barrier island off of Florida to go visit and spend Thanksgiving on the beach in 80 degree plus weather with big surf I will not be able to surf in on this trip. I need some warm weather and a break from everything. Stephanie will be with me the entire 10 days I am down there and my ex wife and Bella will be there for 6 days.
I am baffled by my surgery today and trying very hard to not be consumed with what ifs. I will be happy when Stephanie gets here as my ex wife picked me up and spoke to my doctors because I was still too out of it. Stephanie is off this afternoon through November 30th when we return from Florida. I suspect tomorrow will be my worst day with my hand and no I wasn’t smart enough to pack before the surgery so that will be a blast bloody hell.
Poor Julia Bleu my little black pug is going on her first stay to a kennel but it is one with doggy daycare everyday from 7-5 pm so she will be with other dogs running around and hopefully not too miserable without me. I looked high and low for the best kennel situation for her and this one was it. We land in Boston at 9 am on Wednesday and we will drive straight to the kennel to pick her up.
I have so much to do, and Christmas is right around the corner when we get back. So is my thumb surgery if everything turns out okay with my ring finger. It will be a trying time but I have my family and friends and especially Stephanie who loves me and will do anything for me. I am very blessed by my loving circle of friends and family for sure.
I thought Stephanie would be home by now, but being a dentist things don’t always work out the way you planned. Once she is home it is for good, and I look forward to tonight and tomorrow to spend with her.
I think I will take Julia Bleu and head to the store for the coffee I never had this morning. I am craving one and she loves to go to the store…..
Back from the store with my delicious coffee. I was surprised Stephanie came home in the time I was gone to the store. We now have like 13 days together. I am feeling rather low about my operation and trying to rise above fear that is not rational when I no nothing for sure.
Going to have an early night with my girl and get up tomorrow with some fire power-not the kind that burns in my head or controls my speech or my body-the kind where this doer actually does and doesn’t let others get to me. Starting this new group Rainbow Nation I have gotten a taste of what it feels like to be on the wrong side for some people. Before Michelle and I started the group I was a very neutral person on Facebook and that couldn’t be further from the truth at this moment. I can’t stop believing in what I do, and I am at the point where I need to find my voice, and not give a shit about the haters or opposers. I need to stop trying to be the peacemaker and stand my ground for what I believe in. Even if I get beat on or put down, what I believe in regards to equality for all and President elect Trump are true feelings that I can’t hide or suppress. I am now out as I am for what I believe and I am fighting the fight.
I hope tomorrow I wake up during the mania’s hours get my coffee and get some good writing done,
I will leave it here as I need to resent my “GO” button and get some loving from my girl and my little pug. This Corey is wiped not defeated and still battling the fire in my head and the Mania Madness. At least some things don’t change.
Peace Out and stay safe and true to yourself. Easier said than done.
BORN THIS WAY-2016