Today is Sunday and I am operating on 45 minutes of sleep, snuck in between 11:00pm and 12am.
I was awake for all of the maniac’s hours and tried to figure out why one of my blogs is not being picked up by search engines. I wrote a blog yesterday that didn’t get the readership of the first two posts, and was by far the meatiest of the three.
I am dealing with fire on the brain coupled with a sleepless night and pace oddity of my brain that I fear has me talking all garbled again. I dread the pace oddity and its cadence as my voice is not trained to keep up with such furry and fire that my body is all tensed up to withstand the G-forces being spun around my head in preparation of a kick up in speed and velocity that will have me nothing but white-knuckled and naked in the dream like scene that is my life.
I wonder as I often do, is this possible to live with such a debilitating frenzy of my mind and a complete torrid of energy sprinkled around me that drips drops of liquid sparks from my fingertips, and runs off my forehead down the sides of my face.
To look at me right now as I am, is to see a person, hiding behind combustion and deftly making the kinetic and frenetic energy that transposes my body and mind into a machine like state capable of empathy and feelings for others. I know and understand the dangers of likening one’s body and/or mind to a machine, yet I don’t hesitate at all in doing so in this moment. It in fact brings me comfort and explanation for the pace oddity of my head on fire and my body #AMPED up beyond anyone’s reason.
I see answers to problems that have yet to arise, and this unique characteristic I used to draw upon to my intuition but now I know and feel different. I am not at all afraid anymore as I wrote to God last night and began my writing to him for a year or however long it takes to regain unwavering faith. My ex-wife will bring a bible over today, and I will embark on reading it. This time I will get through Genesis and I will not pass judgment on my God that I think I created to suit me, instead of doing the necessary hard work to wrap my chaotic and frenetic brain around the God represented by mere mortals in the Holy Bible.
I am being tugged at my last post that didn’t seem to make it out to the masses and what to do about it as I fear leaving it as is will nullify my next post and my prior two posts. I broke down and purchased the domain name for my blog in question but I am here to write my about page for this website.
My name is Corey and am forty years young. I write to sustain myself much like breathing. I was born intersexed and with pure mania, both are rare conditions that I have had to deal with my entire life.
My mania is inescapable and defines me to a great degree as would anyone whose brain was on fire and didn’t have an off switch or a pause button. It is often confused or inaccurately compared to bipolar mania, and the truth is they have nothing in common, as much as people want them to.
I am a PhD student finishing up my generals at the University of New Hampshire before heading off to finish my degree in a mixture of data analytics and computer programming.
I am divorced and the parent of my beautiful daughter Bella. I live in Dover, New Hampshire with my black pug Julia Bleu and our fish Squirt.
I am recovering from an insidious case of anorexia and that remains one of my main story lines on Maniacal Musings. I also write op-ed pieces on almost anything and I live for the maniac’s hours between 12:30 to 6 am where I take an Adderall and drink it with coffee I bought at the corner store to make my soon to be famous golden elixir.
I am usually writing through the maniac’s hours and beyond to blog to my various readers about that which is important to me.
I have been meaning to do an about me page for each of my blogs and I think what I have said here sums up my persona for this blog as well as possible without creating a post in its entirety.
I am a poet with a warriors soul and a writer who is fair at best but tries and with each post I get better in my own eyes. Many people argue with me that I am already the writer I aspire to be, but truth be told I am far from that prolific writer I will die trying to be in this world of amazingly gifted souls.
There I have written my about me page for Maniacal Musings and I will write another about me page for SCATTERED tomorrow.
I am left this noontime with no blogging posted and a desire to write more on both my anorexia and my Finding the Sacred in the Ordinary. I pray I make headway with one of them today, or even just post on SCATTERED since I am about to take the golden elixir for the afternoon.
I will get to my productive state of writing soon, and be merrily on my way for the afternoon before I must attend a dinner for my daughter as an early birthday celebration by my parents.
I am #AMPED with a dose of #HECTIC and my fire burns fiercely in my head, clearing up the muck of days gone by.
BORN THIS WAY-2016