The celebrating is now over a week after it began, and the real tasks at hand for me are rising as the steam in the pressure cooker of my body rises.
I have to get myself into gear, and I fear the inertia that I see holding many people around me prisoner in shackles they themselves can not break free.
My life is complex and complicated at the moment. I have warned everyone in my life at one point or another that I do not suffer fools well and any sort of behavior that is not above board or my standards will not be tolerated. I consider everyone well informed of myself and my considerations, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise to anyone when I walk away, and close them out of my Universe.
People are funny. They think because I am nice, I am naïve and stupid. I regret to inform those about to feel my absence that they couldn’t be further away from my TRUTH or perhaps their own. Enough said, what will happen will play out quietly and swiftly.
I have major goals for myself and my personal life in the next decade where I feel today the proverbial clock starts ticking. I am on a mission with the campaign staring right in front of me, to help Clinton get elected to the best of my ability through the election on November 8, 2016. I then have my sights set on school and completing my generals for my PhD as soon as possible.
I am desperate to go to school and to return to campus this week and pick my courses for next semester. I am more than ready to head back to the classroom, and engage my brain in the educational process starting with Spring semester.
My drive and ambition for my completion of my PhD and the job I aspire to await me every so teasingly in the corners of my mind’s eye. I can just seen them with my peripheral vision. I actually have tunnel vision about returning to the classrooms in January ready to undertake more than a fulltime course load. I mustn’t waste any more time, although my time was not wasted per se my goals and my chase of them has been sidelined with the decision to work on the Clinton campaign.
Today the fire burns really hot in my brain, and I bask in the heat, as outside the rain drops big crocodile tears of rain on this somewhat gloomy Sunday. I am really #AMPED up inside my body and my mind and have been off the productivity charts thus far today. I know I can always count on myself to stay on course and let nothing including the myriad of injuries requiring surgery weigh me down. I am on many missions right now, as I fight an internal war with my heart and head over my personal life.
As I mentioned my life is complicated and complex-I mean this mostly from a very personal perspective. I am working to sort myself out but I miss Stephanie greatly, and other things have developed suddenly in a way I wasn’t anticipating. I thought I had things pretty figured out, but as outsiders do, I am surprised and disappointed by the game playing and the dragging of myself into another’s living nightmare. I am quickly reminded this is not the case with Stephanie in my life, and left to ponder and make the right and swift decisions in my favor for my future and for my best interest as I pursue my personal goals of marriage and perhaps another child.
I am very comfortable after three weeks with this new fire that is #AMPED up my pace in my brain and my ensuing thoughts and actions carried out by my cerebral being. I am not slowing down, and I am so hyper-focused today amidst others mayhem. I know what I need to do, and in Corey fashion there are no excuses available for me to fallback on. I must move forward in total control and not for a second get tripped up with anybody’s speed bump. It is not mine, and I would never fall ill to failure of my goals I so deftly set out for myself. I am reminded of my mind’s machine like strength as I still operate with a loving and kind heart.
Today is a new beginning for me. I start my fourth decade in earnest today, and I have had the gift of quiet solitude with my Julia Bleu, and pushed out other’s noise to stay super #AMPED and on track for today for starters. I can’t overlook this Sunday, I have lots of writing to accomplish and work on my blogs that I took care of earlier. I am so grateful for the heat that envelops my fragile being and propels me forward into the light of the darkness of the day at hand.
I am ready for my next challenge today, and will soon head out to the store to grab a coffee and take with my Adderall to create my golden elixir. I did not experience the maniac’s hours today, as I was just getting home from my birthday celebration. I feed off everyone around me, whether their energy is positive or negative. I learn from their mistakes or at least what I see as mistakes, and I needn’t make the same ones as living vicariously through others suffices that very need, I am more on point today, my band-width is reaching maximum capacity, and my output of my thoughts is gearing up for some epic work this afternoon.
Time to go get the coffee and potentiate my golden elixir.
I will return eager to face a blank screen, as I am already in the know as to what I will share from my soul this afternoon. The rain is comforting and I am so very grateful for my life that I have really worked tirelessly at getting in order over the last couple of years. Time for an anorexia post as well. I haven’t forgotten about any of you who read my story. It is seeping out of me today and I will catch it so it hits the electronic paper I type my soul’s story of Discontent.