The Smell of Possibility

The title is from a meme I came across on Pinterest that really grabbed me. It has a picture of a woman holding a cup of coffee-but that isn’t what I gleaned from the phrase.

I think about my maniac’s hours every morning and the coffee I go get with my dog Julia Bleu and the Adderall I take with it before I start my time to create and produce things.

I realize it is the idea or concept, or better yet the hope of possibility each morning that is truly the golden elixir. It isn’t the mixture of the coffee and Adderall I take.

What a revelation! Something so simple, yet so precious and unpredictable powers me through the morning’s early dark hours to write or program for school or for a blog.

Although the campaign is a huge part of my life I don’t waste my maniac’s hours and golden elixir on it. It is saved for that which matters most. In saying that I guess my maniac’s hours are all about writing if it is possible with school requirements wrangling for my precious hours of possibility.

I have written and blogged since May every day with the exception of this past weekend. This weekend was an extraordinary time of new enlightenment and pure hell as I stumbled through a mistaken Adderall withdrawal. Writing and blogging everyday for myself as it was the first day I blogged, to a few readers, and now to ever-growing numbers of readers has been a labor of love and a true test of humility and unyielding desire to get better as a writer.

I look back at my first blogs and I grimace and cringe, but damn it I stuck with it and put my name on every crappy, shitty post I wrote.

In the blogging world there is endless possibility. From one post to the next, from my subject, to my key search words, it is all up to my readers.

I may be rewarded with 100s to thousands of views, or I may work my ass off way past the maniac’s hours and think I have produced something worthy, and later find out it only captured a couple hundred readers.

In those moments I have an impulse to get to my readers and say “Hey you missed a really good post.” However, that is not possible and a lot of times it might get skipped over until new readers come and read the entire blog and that makes more readers read my less read posts that are usually my best.

The thing about views or readers, and the possibilities is something a little disheartening to me at this point of my very new and immature blogging: I get the most reads right now with the best titles and search words.

It is a major bummer. I pray for the day where my writing is read nonetheless because I have built a reputation as a true writer. My readers know as well as I do that right now my writing is hit or miss. Some days I know I have written crap, but it wasn’t for lack of effort, and on those days signing my name and hitting publish is so painful.

So my mornings are not anything that I have blogged about since May. Oh it is about the golden elixir it is just the golden elixir turned out not to be something I ingest but something I aspire and hope for every morning I sit at my desk and begin typing what I want to share with my readers in that very moment.

Sometimes there is hardly effort needed as the writing just flows, and like all writers I have more moments where I am at a loss for a subject, or I grab a topic and I can’t wrap my mind around how to convey my thoughts.

Today is fun. Today is exciting. I learned it is possibility that propels me forward each morning. I remembered about what possibility means as it is endless and limitless and knowing I have this chance for that opportunity every morning is fucking crazy epic! Yeah I got this day today. I haven’t had the “day” in a few days since my derailment but today is my bitch. Make it yours.

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016