Today is Monday October 17th, 2016 and I start my surgical appointments tomorrow.
I am well awake after awakening at 1 am for the entirety of the maniac’s hours. I didn’t write during these hours I read the Holy Bible that I found, which was a gift as it is in study guide preparation for the novice reader.
I made it through a good part of the introduction and the beginning of Genesis. I liked the layout with places to mark up, ask questions, and follow up later. While I was reading, it came to me that I should try to get on my priest’s calendar to review and discuss what I have read every week or so. What a gift it would be to have my priest available to answer my questions that arise as I read the Bible trepidatiously for the second time. I am doing my best to erase my former attitudes and beliefs I so quickly formed out of hasty judgment.
I spent the maniac’s hours reading the Holy Bible and also writing off-line to God for unwavering faith.
I am of the mind this morning, that reading first thing is a waste of pure brain fire and I should and will read in the nighttime when a golden elixir is not necessary.
I am filled with anxiety today as this week I find out about two surgeries one for my foot and another for my thumb that needs to be fused.
I am waiting for the foot surgery to be approved by insurance and I await to see the hand doctor on Wednesday to discuss my surgery for my thumb. I believe I need a second opinion on my thumb and will go to Boston to receive that second opinion.
I am #AMPED way up today and think it is because I didn’t write through the maniac’s hours and my body as the machine it is operating as such, is revving at 6000 rpms and parked with its emergency brake on sitting in the driveway.
I am going to combust one way or the other. I cant leave myself in this state of being with a long day ahead of me and nothing in place to express the pressure mounting of the internal fire of the brain and body. I haven’t a clue as to how to move on with grace and an undertone of demure formality, when all I want to do is step on the forbidden gas pedal and let her ROAR with propulsion.
I am arguing as I write about the concepts of facts, and being dismissed as merely semantics. There isn’t a quicker way to push me away then to belittle my education I have put my blood, sweat, and tears into to learn that 2+2 =4 is not a fact. Believe it or not as you wish but it does not fall under the sacred category of #FACTS.
I wish people cared more about being exact than being right-I didn’t make this stuff up, and it was not easy to learn that 2+2 =4 is not a fact. How can that be so? I learned through critical thinking exactly what a fact was and that curve was not yielding to the straight and linear thought processes we are accustomed to in our daily thoughts. Some thinking, especially critical thinking demands that we expand our thinking to two and even three dimensions to comprehend certain concepts and ideas. 2+2=4 is fallacious in the world of mathematics but isn’t the usually and customary thoughts we are used to utilizing in our everyday thought processes.
I am quite nervous about my thumb appointment tomorrow and remain even more apprehensive of my foot surgery that awaits insurance approval to go forward with breaking two bones and placing two pins in my foot. I am nervous about my ability to get around and truly miss Stephanie as my friend and my care helper. I will manage somehow with a visiting nurse and homemaker, and hopefully a visit or two from Stephanie.
Today I haven’t a clear brain or mind. My fire is rampant and my body follows. The golden elixir was spent on reading which was a waste as I could really use one now for sure.
I am going to write about my anorexia and where it is today. I think if I am not careful and mindful my anorexia could creep back into my life and run amuck all over my recovery and life’s plans I just got sorted and back on track with.
I am thankful to the God or my God for the reading I accomplished this morning and I will ponder it intensely today until I can once again pick up the book.
Time to post on anorexia as it is now, and see if through my readers I get any inspiration as I normally do in going forward with a readjusted thought process.
BORN THIS WAY-2016