For me at this time my Mania Madness is taking up a lot of my authentic self and truth.
As we discussed we come from our authentic selves by means of self-actualization and pure courage to be visible to others as ourselves.
This is the first Mania Madness where I haven’t run into the closet to hide and wish the gremlins and demons away.
I have shared them not only with Stephanie, my significant other, but with my blogging worlds as well.
I am not sure what changed, its a combination of things I deduce. First in my blogs, I have written from raw and naked places leading up to the Mania Madness and two having an almost fiancé witness it and live with me through it has opened me up on so many levels. Stephanie is so instrumental in the nurturing of my ever budding authentic self and the person that entails.
I will be forty in less than two weeks, and coupled with the safe environment Stephanie provides me at home, I am more willing and opening in other facets of my life.
What is self expression really? To me, it is living our creative thoughts and processes combined with our authentic persons, and expression all of ourselves in many mediums. Whether it is persona, style of clothes, values and morals, our living choices, and yes our passions and our dreams.
It is a tall order for any one person. Not easy to do and harder to maintain. My persona is molded around my mania on a daily basis and has been since I was born. There was no hiding it, manipulating it, or denying it for the sake of myself or others.
My style grew from when I was a little tomboy right up through prep school when I was and felt like the ultimate prep, on to college and beyond where my style was chic European lines, monochromatic colors, and an edginess about myself that was part industrial.
My home after my divorce required I buy all new everything as I left my house with a mere knapsack and never retuned. At that point I was feeling rather singular in my nature and drawn to an industrial look for my home. It has worked as a single person who has a daughter, but not really the thing with my fiancé and spending my life with another person and making our home together.
We have one more year that I have to live where I am or close by before we can move and buy a house a bit southeast on the ocean. My days of industrial living are numbered and we will be buying all new furniture for our new place besides some family heirlooms from both of our families.
We are not waiting on the bedroom set and my black solid wood bedding pieces from Ethan Allen will be replaced in the next weeks with our permanent bedroom set we are buying as we even move bedrooms here at my house.
I find personal expression to be quite curious on an individual level. To someone like Stephanie she knows what she wants but her self expression although solid is not loud and doesn’t need to be heard like mine does. I think part of the variance comes from the amount of intentionality a person puts into their self expression. Everything about me is really natural in its flow, but really also intentional as I am always thinking about it.
I don’t make random choices and I have an opinion on most everything related to myself. I find as I travel through self-actualization, my authentic truth and self automatically clicks with parts of my persona and I am more sure not less of that which I think, speak, am, and yes wear.
I don’t think or I know this is not the case for everyone and I have tried to fetter out the mania and what part that plays in my inexplicable choices and myriad of decisions I make that most people I know don’t think of and give much thought to.
Take a simple example like my writing utensils. I am very particular, only use good, re-usable pens and markers, and decided a couple years ago to customize my writing utensils. Nobody is going to steal a writing utensil from me. I basically use one type of good pen, a fine tip no-bleed black inked silver sharpie tool, and one particular type of Pental mechanical pencils. I decided to take those not put away and use thin decorative duct tape to differentiate my writing utensils. Before this chaos of three different writing utensils I used only TUL writing pens and mechanical pencils but the pens are none refillable and they are all very costly.
This is just one minute item that makes up a tiny piece of my self-expression. My hair is a big one. I will post a picture of myself today taken recently that shows from color to cut a look all its own. Sure plenty of people have tried to copy it and I just stay mum on the color and the cut which are not ordinary in anyway. I am not trying to be different just to be different, but I do believe if people put intentional thought into themselves they would come up with some creative ideas. I have met loads of people with creative ideas and I admire them.
There is nothing wrong with having a quite or more subtle self expression either. I think as long as we are working on self -actualization which will morph as we grow and experience and have as our goal our true authentic selves from which we live a true and honest life for ourselves, we are doing great.
Heck I am about to turn forty and self-actualization and my authentic self are just coming into my rear view mirror. For others, they are lucky and it happened much sooner. Still sadly for others, they never reach it as they never feel equipped to traverse the terrain and that to me is sad.
I say take baby steps. Find one thing a day that is truly you and hold on to it, as the next day you find something else and you add that to your collection. In another post shortly we will talk about the various ways of getting to self-actualization and authentic self.
BORN THIS WAY-2016