Is there a Place Between Yes and No?

When I got divorced 4 years ago, I embarked on an epoch therapy journey which would lead to a new and improved me.  The things I learned about myself in those first few years were leveling and forever changed the way I would chose to interact with people in the future.

The biggest revelation was that I was a completely rock solid “concrete” person in this crazy gray abstract world we really live in.  Yes, of course my ex-wife was labeled “abstract.”  I would be bestowed with the less savory of almost all labels according to ouconcreter piece of work mediation counselor.  This therapist, saw the world through my ex-wife’s very own eyes.  I would not be the least bit surprised if they became friends at the cost of our demise.  My own personal therapist, a nice down to earth man, had to actually go speak to our marriage counselor, his co-worker because what happened in that office, unlike Vegas baby; didn’t stay in that office.

My abstract ex-wife commanded the microphone for 50 out 60 minutes of our weekly sessions.  At exactly 10:55 am our counselor whose head and neck must have hurt from nodding in agreement with my ex-wife throughout the entire session, would finally look at me, and ask, “So what are you thinking Corey?”  Really me, who glazed over 40 minutes ago and fought off going completely catatonic?  What did I think?  I thought this was crap, and only added to my mess, by being pugnacious and lashing out like a wounded animal.  I don’t think it was possible, that everything my ex-wife said, felt, and wanted was purely spot on correct…. you got this divorce in the bag there my sister!  Honestly, my own therapist stood up for me more than once, and I never got to speak, or when I did, all eyes rolled, heavy sighs of disbelief filled the air, and my ex-wife waited to pounce when she could and command the rest of the entire session.

I do admit and I accept that I am a very concrete person.  Although I love the color gray, I believe there is always purely empirical, let’s keep emotions out of it, facts regarding any given situation.  I bring new meaning to the word ‘literal.’  I don’t trust a person, who steers me towards the gray zone.  They are usually of a psych or sociology persuasion for sure. They are the same vice-grip people, who preface sentence with, “I can understand how you would feel that way or see it that way, BUT….”  It is the dreaded BUT which kills me every time. These people would be the same people who speak at me about perceptions.  Honestly, I am going down to the mat on this one.  Things are, things happened, you said exactly, and I will hold you to this damn it to the bitter end.  Facts are worthy and facts don’t lie, or excuse, or make gray.  They just are.  Allowing for the ‘gray’ is to take away from the reality of any given situation.  I will tell you facts are not always my best friends. Utilizing facts has put my ass in a sling on many occasions.

However, I am now in a beautiful personal situation where I crave “gray.” I want so bad to play the gray card but I can’t, I don’t believe life is like that.  I want this beautiful person to stay right between “yes” and “no.” It is not fair, so I need to dig really deep.  If I am not careful, I might just lose the best thing that has happened to me; since my divorce duly dumped me on my head and happened to me.

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016