We had an instant new comfort level with being physical not just intimate. We both have had really strong unacted upon feelings for one another for a long time. Stephanie played with my messy hair and tried to concentrate on driving. It was very weird to have a girl doing the driving. But with my anorexia and fainting I had my license on medical hold with a note written to the DMV. I have my baby of a sports car that I continued to pay for and garage, while for almost two years I haven’t been able to drive.
Stephanie was not looking forward to going to the office today. I was not looking forward to campaign work and getting my visa renewed so I could travel at a moments notice. The day would go by very quickly for me. Between the campaign, blogging, reading all that I must read, and renewing my passport I knew I would feel stretched. I had been so relaxed on our get away. I ate a little better than normal, and was anxious to get home and hop up on the scale. Stephanie had patients all day with 20 minutes for lunch. We were heading home into real life fast.
It was Stephanie who brought it up. She asked about us getting engaged. She said there was no pressure but she said it was obvious we were forever and she wanted to know my thoughts. I was a little taken back. As I mentioned earlier I had to go to NYC this week and I planned to go pick out diamonds in the diamond district. My plan was to get a custom ring designed and have one of the best jewelers I knew of do the ring with settings and place the diamonds. I figured with just getting everything and designing the ring and then having it made it wouldn’t be ready until September or October. I hadn’t given a lot of thought to the actual getting engaged and what that looked like. Stephanie just wanted to know my thoughts and I would share some with her but I wanted it to be a surprise. I had already been married so I wanted this to really be for Stephanie.
I told her I planned to get her a ring and make a plan to get engaged. I told her it wasn’t if but when and a lot of that was not in my control. I asked her what she thought about that? She was quietly happy but I knew I didn’t answer her the way she wanted. So I elaborated a little further and said probably logistically this early fall. She smiled a very amazing smile and squeezed my hand. She was trying to have a conversation I just didn’t want to have and I knew it was my problem and I had to overcome it. She asked about us living together. I did know how much Stephanie did want to move in. I said as we get closer to engagement I would talk to my ex-wife and of course and have a very delicate conversation with my daughter Bella. I asked Stephanie what she envisioned with us living together. She knew I had to stay at my place one more year to meet Bella’s school requirements. I planned on buying and/or building on the ocean. Stephanie mentioned selling her condo and moving into my place and then us buying a place on the water together. It seemed so surreal talking about this. I was glad Stephanie was comfortable enough to tell me what she wanted. I was in total agreement and realized I had some work to do personally in the opening up and speaking directly and lovingly to Stephanie.
We finally reached the house. We pulled in and the mailbox was overflowing. I would have a lot to do today plus I needed to pick up my Julia Bleu (my pug) from my ex-wife. Stephanie said she had the suitcases and I didn’t argue. I brought in bags of stuff and put it all at the bottom of the stairs to the first level of the house. Stephanie brought in the suitcases and put them in the guestroom on the first floor. It didn’t take long to unload the car. The unpacking and putting away would be the worst of it. I got the perishables into the refrigerator and Stephanie said she needed to get ready for work. My heart sank-I was surprised. I loved my time to myself but I really didn’t want her to leave. She went upstairs after an awesome U-ME kiss and a great tight hug, and got her outfit ready for work. She wasn’t showering so within 10 minutes she was back downstairs. I had gone into my study and started my computer. She came in with tears in her eyes. I jumped up and asked her what was wrong? She mentioned she didn’t want to leave me and she didn’t want to go to work.
I looked at her and I made myself vulnerable. I told her I didn’t want her to leave but we had forever together and this time today would let us both think about the time we had just spent together and let us get going with our other responsibilities. She nodded and I held her tight. My eyes welled up but I fought back the tears. Never in my 39 years of life had I ever loved or cared for someone the way I did with Stephanie. I was blown away. I was so happy! I was scared I would fuck things up. But as I held her I knew I would not fuck things up, I loved her too much it wasn’t just about me anymore. Her and her happiness were so very important to me and I took my responsibilities in that way very seriously. I decided to get Stephanie a promise ring from a custom jeweler in town while she was at work. I wanted her to have it all and that meant me growing and changing a lot. I wanted to do it and I only wanted Stephanie to ever know that part of Corey. We walked out of the study and I followed her down the stairs as she grabbed her purse and turned to kiss and hug me god bye. I kissed her softly but firmly trying to let all of me come to her in this single kiss. It was epic. We wowed each other. With THAT kiss and a tight forever and a day hug she was off. I watched her drive away and my own happy tears just streamed down my face……..
BORN THIS WAY-2016